License To Kill.

A deal was reached. Papers will be signed on Monday, and then I'll be able to announce what Im working on!

Exciting, nauseating, and every emotion in between. From Monday to the target opening in May, its go time.

Yesterday I spent some time in the Long Beach planning department, getting my business license. Going from desk to desk, waiting for my number to be called, it's rare I'm in such an "office" office, and I felt a bit like I was in The Matrix.

For multiple reasons.

This whole experience has been a little out of body for me, it just kind of happened, I boarded this train, and while its still at the station, it's about to take off. 

And while I don't want to say I'm not emotionally invested, because I am, theres a part of me that's just going through the motions, especially with all this bureaucratic stuff. 

I do have to say, its surprisingly easy.

There are a million steps, sure, DBAs, business licenses, establishment licenses, resale licenses, fire inspections,  small business bank accounts; none of which I had any clue about 2 weeks ago, but the process is surprisingly simple.

File this, jump through this hoop, mail this check.

As long as I have blinders on and keep powering through, it gets done.

Theres definitely some denial going on in my brain, partially because its all happened so quickly, partially because I don't have a clue what I'm doing, and because its so out of my realm.

Theres also personal challenges I have to get over.

Resigning myself to the fact that I'm going to be owning this for a while, that I'll be tied to it. I don't know yet if I'm strapping myself to a bomb. 

I'm also giving up my freedom. 

Yes, Ill essentially be "working for myself", but there won't be too many spontaneous trips to Hong Kong, or South America. Things like that will cease. My entire adult life, Ive been a prisoner to nothing, coming and going as I choose. I don't know anything else. I've now been in a relationship for almost a year, maybe this is the next step towards permanence. To some people, not knowing where they're going  is scary. For me, its the opposite. 

 There's also an identity shift. I've wrapped my life up in myself, for lack of better wording. Any while I believe everyone is essentially "in their own movie" anyways, I truly haven't consumed myself with anything but myself. It might be perceived as "bad", or egotistical, but it is definitely true.

And important. 

I'm incredibly lucky. Most people haven't been able to have the time alone that Ive had, the time to travel, the money to invest in therapy, the time to reflect.

My energy has gone into, and only into, me, and working on myself. Isn't that what your 20's are supposed to be about?

And truthfully, I feel at my personal peak thus far, so I guess there's no better time to start diverting my energy, but fuck if its not a complete life shift.

Start dating a guy, move out of town, open a business. All in one year. 

Blinders on. Head down. Moving forward.