Sicko

I am sicker than I have been in years.

thats an apron.

I smell sick, I look sick, and yesterday I had a 24 hour fever and body aches that left me feeling like my bones were crumbling inside my body. I've always been sickly, and people close to me go on high alert when I'm ill, as it tends to take a lot of rest for me to recover.
Steven called my mom, and today she is over cleaning my house and making me homemade soup.
 I feel better today, and when I woke up I thought I was well, but I quickly realized that just because I dont feel like I'm dying.
It's probably because Im sitting here wearing my giraffe pajamas and feeling like a house marm  that Im looking at the beautiful lingerie on Net-A-Porter. Whatever the lifestyle is that accompanies this, sign me up.
I just picture this orange number descending a staircase.

this is ugly, but bonus points for feathers.

Olivia And Steven: A Story Of Two People Who Dont Want To Work On A Rainy Sunday

The only good thing about this weather is getting to wear my fur hat.

I Spent The Past Weekend In Joshua Tree.

Better Than An Encylopedia Salesman

I just signed up from fresh fruit and veggie delivery from 20 year old indian girl with green hair and a nose ring who knocked on my door, and works at a co-op. I'm totally stoked.


I hope this is as good as it looks. I'll be sure to update when I get my first delivery.
I'm not sure if I'm excited about the fruit, or the fact that hippies like this still exist.

I'd Forgotten....

...how well porn and sex go together sometimes.

Summer Days

All photos by my friend, the best photographer ever, Calethia DeConto

eprit d'escalier

Living off a busy shopping street, and near orange county, Ive seen the same Obama protesters a few times a couple blocks form my house.
 They have a little table and big photos, of Obama made up like Hitler. 
Steven is usually around, in general, subduding me, but today I was alone, and today they approached me, asking if I wanted to get him out of office.
I might have snapped a bit. 
I told them their cause was a whatever, but it was their signs that bothered me. That using Hitler as a device was lazy and unintelligent. Their response back was something about me being a blonde.
I might have told them to go fuck themselves.
Ah, eprit d'escalier.


Right now I am thinking about that, and how more restaurants really should serve bananas foster.

Things I Learned From Being Burglarized

Last Friday my house was broken into, and we were burglarized. Like out of a movie.
First was the phone call from my mom around 1pm. We were pet sitting my parents dog pun, and someone had called her saying that they had found her in the street. I left the salon, grabbed pun from a neighbor, and went to the house. The side gate had been opened, which, at the time, even though it had never happened before, I thought nothing of. 
I threw pun in the back, and didn't notice anything strange until we got home at 5:30. Even then, our place was such a mess, we didn't notice anything for 15 minutes.
"why'd you open my make-up case?" I said, about the fact that a train case that's always in the bedroom was open and unfolded. He told me he didn't. Then I looked beside it, at my vanity, which had all the drawers pulled out.
"I think we've been robbed".

"oh we definitely have" he said.

The took two guns, a thousand dollars in cash,  his watch, and his grandfathers pinky ring. They went though all my jewelry, even little boxes, and took nothing. Left diamond rings. Left a laptop. Left drugs. Took a clip with no bullets and left the one with.
What they took was odd. What they left was odder. 

We had a thick necked cop show up (that's a whole other story) and tell us they didn't take the jewelry because they probably got "spooked". 
No. They went through everything.
Also kept saying it was probably a meth head.
Don't buy that either.

 There was supposed to be a Maytag man at the house to repair our washer. They were supposed to call first, and said they wouldn't come if no one picked up. I think they knocked on the door, saw that no one was home, and had their way.  I called maytag, and they said they had no record of an appointment. Neighbors reported seeing a Winnebago with a weirdo couple in it. So strange that 3 people noticed them. But if that were the case, wouldn't he of taken jewelry? 

Seems like whoever robbed us wasn't interested in pawning anything. But how did they know that the side gate was unlocked, and that the back door would be open as well? Its ballsy as hell.

We'll probably never know, unless the guns turn up at some point.

 THINGS I LEARNED FROM BEING ROBBED:

Don't keep anything of value in your closet. That's the first place burglars look.

Keep everything of value in your kitchen. They care even less about the kitchen than I do.

Put locks on all gates.

There is a difference between being "burglarized" and "robbed", which was explained to me by 2 separate people in about 20 minutes.

Keep your front windows open. I believe this is the only reason nothing in the living room was touched.

CSI lies. It is almost impossible to get fingerprints off anything.

It is almost impossible to get black fingerprint dust off wood.

Long Beach cops think pot should be legalized.

Karma is a bitch. Steven stole a thing or two in his youth. They only took his stuff.

Truth

I question all the time if its worth it.

This Just In:

1. I had three different house guests last week.


2. I had an unexpected 4th of July party, which is apparently obligatory when you live by the beach. It was phenomenal.


3. I tried on my dream wedding dress today and it was everything I wanted.


4. I had a dream last night that I booked a cartoon series, and today I did.


5. Today is George Bush juniors birthday.

Changing Course

I want to let you in on a little secret…

It’s O.K. to change your plans.

Turn about face. Pivot. Take a 180.

We live in a world which punishes those who take actions to correct a mistake or a course.

Wishy-washy, we call them. Flip-floppers. Unstable. Irresponsible. Lazy. Whimsical.

A whole host of terms with negative connotations for people who take abrupt action to change their course, especially when that course may have been a recent decision.

I’ve been talking a lot about “consciousness” in your life’s direction – and “flexibility” in how you structure your life.

Part of this is realizing when things need reversed.

It’s o.k. to sell your house for less than you paid for it – if you realize that freedom is worth more than the loss.

It’s o.k. to settle down and buy a home – if you know that’s the right decision for your family.

It’s o.k. to pull your children out of public schools – if that’s what you truly believe is best for them.

It’s o.k. to put your homeschooled children back into a public school – if you change your mind.

It’s o.k. to sell something you just bought – if you realize you no longer need it (or never needed it).

It’s o.k. to spend money on things that bring joy, purpose, or value into your life – even if you are paying off debt.

It’s o.k. to move into an RV, a sailboat, a truck with a rooftop tent, or a cabin in the woods – if you crave to explore these living arrangements.

It’s o.k. to quit backpacking around the world – if you no longer realize it fits with your current goals and passions.

It’s o.k. to shut down the business you recently launched and take a corporate job – if that’s what you are being called to do.

It’s o.k. to quit your new promising career and pave your own path – if you know deep down you’ll do what it take to make it a reality.

*****

Realizing you’ve started down the wrong path – and correcting course – is admirable.

It’s a trait that’s far too uncommon these days. It’s a principle that should be praised, not ridiculed.

Staying with a condition in your life that you no longer believe in – just because you picked that path 12 months earlier – is insane.

People will challenge you. Most will criticize out of fear. They’re afraid of what similar changes might mean for their own life.

If you take advice from people who are scared – don’t be surprised when you end up trapped in fear yourself.

*****

What’s one decision or condition in your life that needs reversing?

Go ahead and flip-flop.

It’ll be o.k

Source: http://manvsdebt.com

The last part of this is what really struck me: Not taking advice from people who live their life in fear. I've never in my life had so many people tell me that I couldn't or shouldn't do something. From moving, to opening a business, even getting engaged. Everyone has an opinion, and these opinions seem to be based mostly on fear and fear of change. Not only are people afraid of change in their own life, but they seem to be afraid of change in others as well. For me personally, I've never really lived my life in fear which I think stems from a place of craving the collecting of experiences. I think all the time about the possibility of my relationship failing, my business failing, ending up with nothing, etc. 

But do you ever end up with nothing? Bad decisions make good stories.

But maybe the fear is a defense mechanism. If you don't believe you can do something, can you ever be successful? For me, the trick is to just jump. Know that there are no consequences in the negative sense, and no rules. Its all nothing more than a ride.

The TImes They Are A Changin'

Today the first of the assistants starts. Right now theres two clients in, Steven cutting one, and the assistant is blow drying someone he just colored. Having two stylists working here at one has me feeling too legit to quit.

Saturday, Sunday, and Monday we're closed for the tile floor to get ripped up, for our hardwood floor dream to become a reality.

The next weekend another new hairdresser starts, and the next weekend one more.

Just getting in a groove, and the whole things changes. Ain't that how it goes?

My birthday's tomorrow, and I've got to say, I feel damn good about 28.

Psychics and astrologers have told me that this is the end of my "7 year cycle". Can't lie, the past 7 years have been fun as hell, but they've also been RUGGED.

The next 7 years?

I can't even imagine whats to come.

"Don't speak too soon for the wheel's still in spin, and there's no telling who that its naming"

Some days.

Got a depression, a darkness, a fog, I just cant shake today. I know myself well enough to know this is so temporary it will probably go away tomorrow. Still, isnt it amazing that many times you just can't talk yourself out of it? No reason, so rhyme, just there.
I call it the ebb.

Freedoms Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose

Talked to an actress friend today. Depressed, unhappy, rounding 35 and feeling like doors are closing.
She feels completely helpless, and that she is not in control. Its not in her mind. As an actor you're not in control of a damn thing. Always waiting for the phone to ring. And if you surround yourself only with other people in the industry, with acting classes, etc, you're going to think it's the world, and you're going to lose your mind.
Although I empathized with her, the conversation made me feel so good about my choices. To not have to feel like I'm "drifting", a word she kept using, and something the industry has made me feel at times. 
I realized that I feel completely, 100% in control. 

But it really hit me how good it felt. As someone who's always marched to the beat of their own drum anyways with a bit of a "fuck the man" attitude, I now feel completely free. Ironic, since I've now strapped what some might see as a whale of a responsibility. But no one made me do it, and no one did it for me. Choice.


She also asked me how I stay so calm, and the real answer to that is nihilism, or rather, a variation of it. Now people tend to equate being nihilistic with being pessimistic, and I can see why. If you say the basic principle in an Eeyore voice "nothing really matters", it sounds god awful. But it you think of it positively "Nothing matters! Yay!", while doing cartwheels, its actually a very freeing mentality. Of course I lose sight of this in the day to day often, but in my core it really calms me. My basic principle is don't be an asshole, try not to hurt others intentionally, and do whatever the hell you want. There are no rules.

YES.

Back to it.

This first entry will me long, wild, and likely a bit awful, as its been a while.

Ive deleted all previous entries that were on this blog, as they no longer seemed relevant.

Starting fresh.

The past year has been wild, when I add it all up. I've aquirred, at 27 years old, my first real boyfriend. I've done a fair amount of traveling, enough that even I, queen of "get me the hell out of here, lets take a trip", has been fine being at home for a while. Sweden, Mississippi, Easter Island, Vegas a couple times, san francisco a handful, New Zealand. I've also lived three different places this year as well.

Somehow that entailed packing up my life in central Los angeles, and moving to Long Beach; as south as you can go while still living in Los Angeles County.

I moved to Long Beach in December. Ironic only to me, as that was to be the date that "single Olivia" was to go backpacking in Indochina for 6 months. I'd already taken steps, moving out of my second bachelorette pad in west hollywood (if those walls could talk), and moving in a friends house, known as "the commune", in order to make my escape to the Orient easier.

Or so I thought.

Enter, man.

I'd met him 6 years earlier on Match.com. The only date I went on from that time, we'd gone out for a few months. He was the third person I ever slept with, we had fun times, and did fun things (like dropping everything and going to san francisco on our second date). But we were in different places in our lives, but remained friends.

In the six years that passed, he got engaged, built a career, I'd essentially a nervous breakdown, sowed many a wild oat and we evolved into different people.

Timing is everything.

So many times Ive met someone and just thought "if we met at another time, things would be different."

And its probably true.

But you rarely get that second chance. People move on. Lives move on.

When he came around again i was skeptical. Age, a traumatic relationship, and thousands of dollars of therapy had transformed me into someone who not only liked be alone, but preferred it. And I'm still learning how to be in a partnership.

But my New years resolution last year was to say "yes". Not only is saying no fucking boring, but its the perfect way to wake up on a random thursday 5 years from now wondering what the hell happened.

So I said yes to many things, including splitting the difference with a man from Orange County, the california equivalent of Texas (republicans and big hair), and we moved to Long Beach, speciffically Belmont Shore.

And I'll be dammed if I dont like it here.

I had been over L.A. for a while. I had fantasies of living in New Zealand one day, and still do. Being out of the center of the hussle wasnt really something I had to adapt to. I was ready.

I went to a Hollywood event last week.

A screening of a film thats out now, one of the worst films Ive seen in a long time.

It was the type of event you should go to. Mingle, schmooze.

I just lack the ability to bullshit for things like that.

I talked to a couple people, and wanted to throw-up.
The artifice is just something else.
People look you in the eye only until someone else walks by.

The movie started.

It was the worst thing Ive seen in a long time. So dumb it was insulting.

The audience was all there to be seen, and it was like watching a bad sitcom where the laugh track is turned way up. Roaring laughter at the smallest throw away joke, as if someone of importance was going to say "who's that amazing person with that amazing laugh?! We need to put them in our next film!"

I left with my friend after 15 minutes and ended up in a deli.

But I digress.

I have access to L.A. when I want it, and I can be on my patio a block from the ocean, like I am right now, when I dont.

I've realized its impossible to say how much I like it hear without sounding like a champion asshole/ hipster fuck.

People dont really get what goes on down here, and thats completely ok.

I love my old neighborhood, Ill always have an affinity for it, and I may live there again one day. Life is long.

But I go "into town" as I refer to it, and it feels dirty, it feels forced, and feel the way I used to feel when I'd come back from a long trip. Sort of a seeing it as the parody its played out as in movies and television shows.

Im amused when people turn their nose up at Long Beach.

I myself feel like Ive moved into a small town at times. There's a harmless town drunk of the corner that people know by name.There are constant banners up for community events. This month its a father/ daughter dance, last month it was a chocolate festival. There are constantly parades, theres an annual garage sale.

It can feel like the 1950's if the 1950's had pinkberry and a mohawked street performer and the end of my street.

People dont flaunt their money here, and they're sincere.

It doesnt matter that this month LA Magazine named this one of the top 3 hidden neighborhoods. Its just on mars as far as most people are concerned. And I feel no need to defend it.

There are people that want me to not like it. I like watching them squirm. Something new Ive learned: happy people want you to be happy. Ive never enjoyed even a strangers happiness so much in my life.

I still struggle at times wondering why we bother staying in one place at all, but thats a different conversation for a different time.

I'm going to be hear for awhile.

Its almost a guarantee, if life holds such a thing.

If things go as planned, I'll be opening a small business a 15 minute walk from my house.

Details to come.

This next year is going to be equally wild.

Welcome to the ride.